Esther Chapter 2

These are the notes from the second study from the Book of Esther. Esther chapter 2

2:1 ; *It’s been three years since the war party. King Ahasuerus failed to conquer Greece, and returns to Shushan in humiliation. Adding to his shame, he remembers the stupid law. Vashti still belongs to the King but wherever she’s being kept, her quarters would be more of a prison than a home. She can’t be thrown out for she’s the former Queen, and she can’t be tossed into the harem for the same reason. Xerxes problem, he doesn’t have a Queen beside him while he attempts to reorganize his kingdom and its defeated army. His kingdom is a shambles.

The most amazing thing? God sees all and knows all. There is nothing in the hearts of all mankind that God doesn’t know about. God even sees what is coming. Almighty God is without equal!

The king has concubines galore, but the throne needs a woman of beauty with a sound reputation, whom the court approves joined to the king with a proper setting. An already owned sex-slave cannot fill that position. Just like in chapter 1—two wrongs don’t make a right.

In ch 1, it was the wise men who instructed the king to write the law dethroning Vashti. Ch 2:2, it’s not even the wise men but his servants suggest gathering virgins for the king to choose a queen from.

So the order goes out to herd young women to the palace, like cattle. Conscripted by order, yanked from their homes and parents arms, many never to be seen by family again. They were essentially kidnapped for the king’s pleasure.

Can you imagine the crying? The terror? The sorrow that they will never be loved wives, or mothers? No homes, nor husbands or children to take care of? Only one can be Queen, the rest will be sex-slaves for the rest of their lives.

2:2-4. It’s not his wise men but his servants that advise him now. And this thing pleased the king. The thing being kidnapping beautiful girls. What do you think? (In a moral society, this would, should be, be sickening.)

2:5,6,7. God inserts Himself in between Xerxes idea & his implementing it. By inserting Mordecai into the palace, God has changed the outcome already.

2:5-6. God shows up! God is so amazing. Although never mentioned, Holy God appears regularly in the movement of different events and different lives. Something horrible is about to happen but Almighty God inserts His presence into the story.

It’s like Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians. God knew they would need powerful encouragement, as the persecution became very heavy in that city. God sent them a wonderful love letter through Paul’s hand. Thessalonians 2:7-12. You need God—God shows up!

Mordecai lives in the Capital city, and more importantly, he has retained his heritage. This is more proof of God appearance in this book---the choice of Mordecai as a devout Jew, strong in his faith and the pride of his heritage.

What can Christians express pride in? (Psalm 34:2, 44:8, 2 Corinthians 9:2, Galatians 6:14)

God told the Jews to always remember their families names and heritage. It seems Mordecai was born while his family was captives, as it was his great great grandfather who was carried away from Jerusalem when Nebuchadnezzar captured the city. (2 Kings 24:14) Kish must have been a mighty man in Jerusalem, because the best were taken during the first captivity. Kish was taken the same time as Daniel, but he wasn’t placed with Daniel with the eunuchs, as he certainly had children.(1st captivity Jeremiah 29:5-7) (Forbidden Marriage Due 7:1-3, Joshua 23:11-12, Ezra 9:1,2)

It seems Kish and his decedents kept their Jewish linage clean from inter marriage.

For some reason Mortdecai did not return to Jerusalem when Ezra and Nehemiah returned to rebuild. He and his family still reside in the capital Persian city of Shushan.

Esther has the same clean Jewish Lineage as Mordecai. And she is hauled off to the palace with the rest of the young girls. Her prospects of a Jewish family line ends. 

There is another young girl we know in the Bible whose family heritage was kept pure for an awesome reason. Who is that young girl? Mary. (Matthew 1:1-17)2

2:9 Esther’s character was different than any of the other girls in the harem. And her difference was noticed by the major guard of the woman, Hegai. He knew there was something different about her and he treated her with a greater respect than he did all the other women there.

2:8,9. Esther exposed the darkness of the king’s harem by her difference. Her personal holiness in a dark place made her godly character standout among the crowd, thus creating a different atmosphere around her. (2 Corinthians 4:7)

2:10, Esther is an ambassador of her people and of God. Daniel’s account was a historical fact in the Jew’s history of their captivity. There could not have been many that didn’t know how Daniel stood up for his Jewish heritage. But unlike Daniel, Esther kept her Hebrew blood a secret but she retained her learned character.

We may never have an opportunity to speak of our Christian heritage, but our character needs to be the higher standard. It doesn’t matter where we are, who we’re with, we have the mind of Christ, we have the power of God, we have the indwelling Holy Spirit. There needs to be something extraordinary about our holy conduct that even the ungodly will have to take notice.

What is holiness? What are some holy actions? Things Christians do or don’t do publically that sets them apart from the world?

Esther was different from the other women, and her difference gave her an edge in becoming Queen. Hegai was on the look-out for Queen qualities, it was part of his job. And by her more beautiful, composed, lady-like behavior, she expose the hidden things of darkness. She shined brighter in a room full of lesser characters.

Esther was beautiful but she went through the beauty treatments to make her gorgeous. Her beauty treatments went on for a year.

God says women are to shine with an inner beauty, which will shine through any mars of our outward frailties. We’re familiar with the woman of 1 Peter 3, and the Proverbs 31, woman)

We’re the Bride of Christ. We need an extraordinary interest in making ourselves beautiful in Christ.

We have a simpler beauty treatment with less stress. We’re already the Bride of the King. You want to be made beautiful? To have the inner beauty of the heart?

The Bible is your beauty treatment. Get into God’s word to be cleansed from the world. John 17: 17, Ephesians 5:22-27, Titus 3:5, Proverbs 31:17,18 & 30,

We have the Shulamite as our example also, of the love of God shining our beauty that no one else can comprehend. Loving God will draw out the beauty that only He can see in a woman.

You want to have a successful beauty treatment? Get into the word of God. Pray, read, fellowship, worship. Determine to make the effort to love the Lord with all your heart, your strength, your mind. You will be beautiful and others will see it. They may not understand it, but they will certainly see it.

2:21-23. When the trouble came, Mordecai and Esther were able to do the right thing, the right way, to have the right decision made to stop the wrong. This was just a foretaste of their work to come. And now God has Mordecai moved into the palace business district. He’s one of the movers’ and shakers in the palace politics. He’s gaining a reputation as a man of integrity. His peers trust his wisdom. They may hate him but they know he’s an honest man.

Christians need knowledge of the world. God says be as wise as serpents and gentle as doves. God says the serpent is crafty. Know the ins and outs of ruthlessness business, yet conduct business with different deliverance & purpose.

Esther and Mordecai from different positions, exposed the hidden darkness.(Ephesians 5:8-13.)

Lesson Points:

1. God knows the innermost secret hearts of all people.

2. Boast of your salvation in Christ

3. As the Bride of Christ, take an extraordinary interest in making yourself beautiful for Christ Jesus.

4. The Bible is your beauty treatment. Let God’s word cleanse you from the world.

*Historical information from Bible Knowledge Commentary & Commentary, study notes of J. Vernon McGee

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The Continuity of The Bible

The theme in Psalm 136, 137 & 138 is God's enduring Mercy and it repeats through these three songs.

I am so amazed at how God designed the Bible, (For I believe the Bible is all God's doing from cover to cover in any language) and I am constantly amazed how certain books and passages line up.

Psalm 136 seems boring with its repetition but when reading it as listening to a leader speaking and then a crowd giving the echo, I imagine God smiling. It is a great song of praise and worship.

Then psalm 137 follows and leaves the wonderment of why so sad a follow-up? It recounts the horror of Israel's captivity in Babylon. The atrocious treatment at the hands of their captors.

But because the sadness of 137 follows immediately after 136, I return to the refrain "For His mercy endures forever" (or as it actually reads "For His mercy forever!) You can't help but recall the mercy of God. People are seldom merciful, but God never changes. His mercy endures forever.

The life of a person on earth is so short as to never even cause a blip on the eternal. Yes, the captivity was horrible, but God's people have the remembrance of God's everlasting mercy. The Rock of Salvation, A Mighty Fortress.

And Psalm 138, a song of David placed seemingly out of context, for David wrote it long before the Babylonian captivity. Yet reading 136, 137. & 138 altogether, the song continues and completes.

For David is the author of the chorus of 136 as he writes 138:8b: "Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever"

How awesome to have thee three Psalms lined up to be read as one song, with a common chorus.

"Your mercy, O LORD, forever"

Amen

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Can You Trust God When Your Ship Is Sinking?

Paul suffered the perils of a severe shipwreck recorded in Acts 27.

"Now when neither sun nor stars appeared for many days, and no small tempest beat on us, all hope that we would be saved was finally given up" Acts 27:20.

Paul was in chains, a political prisoner on his way to the High Court of Rome and the ship that his guards had placed them on was going down in a horrendous winter storm. Paul never lost his faith, even though everything around him was literally coming apart.

A successful missionary, vexed by many trials, Paul probably needed some encouragement often, yet even in this particular life-threatening peril, while apparently personally fearful, he prayed for everyone else.

God dispatched an angel to encourage Paul."Saying, "Do not be afraid, Paul; you must be brought before Caesar; and indeed God has granted you all those who sail with you" Acts 27:24.

God didn't calm the storm, it raged on for days, yet Paul's faith in God's control saved everyone's life. The guards wanted to kill the prisoners to keep anyone escaping during the sinking and the sailors attempted to save themselves and abandon the passengers. Paul's concerns are for the lives of everyone around him. He trusted God's love for their souls, and didn't get distracted by the loss of the material.

God never says our ministries will be easy, or that what we know of God will be accepted by everyone around us, but even when the ship is sinking, we need to remember that our focus is on God, not on the sinking ship under our feet. God cares for people's souls and not necessarily their material comfort. While common sense says we need this, or that to serve God, God says, "All you need is Me. Look to Me and I'll take care of all the material things." (Matthew 6:33)

Oswald Chambers in My Utmost for His Highest says this about trusting God even while common sense says it can't work that way.

"If a man (woman) is going to do anything worth while, there are times when he has to risk everything on his leap, and in the spiritual domain Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold by common sense and leap into what He says, and (when) you immediately do, you find that what He says fits on as solidly as common sense.....Trust God entirely, and when he brings you to the venture, see that you take it. We act like pagans in a crisis, only one out of a crowd is daring enough to bank his faith in the character of God.

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Three Things Everyone Should Know About Biblical Hell--Guest Blog by Joel Littlefield

Joel's Blog is posted here by permission:




“when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven with his mighty angels in flaming fire, inflicting vengeance on those who do not know God and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. They will suffer the punishment of eternal destruction, away from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of his might,” (2 Thessalonians 1:7-9)

Hell is the presence of God’s wrath and holy justice.

Some say that Hell is what it is because God’s presence is not there. Even Paul, in the above passage, speaks of hell as eternal destruction that takes place “away from the presence of the Lord”

But tell this to a person who doesn’t want to be with God in the first place.

The conversation may go like this:

“Don’t you believe?”

“No, I don’t”

“Unless you believe, you will die in your sin and be cast into hell apart from his presence forever”

“Well, good! I’m not sure I want to spend eternity with God anyway.”

See what I mean? The unbelievers logic is solid here. Why would someone who wants nothing to do with God mind being in hell if all it means is that God is not there? So, is God’s presence there? Or is it not?

Consider this text:

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee? If I go into heaven you are there, and if I descend into Hell, you are there.” Psalm 139:7

If God is truly omnipresent, and He is, then He is also in Hell. But it’s a different kind of presence altogether than what the redeemed will experience. In that outer darkness His presence will not be enjoyed. The comfort that his presence gives to those who worship Him will not be there. That is why Paul said that part of the punishment is to be away “from the glory of His might”

Hell is the very real presence of God’s anger, wrath and judgement. One may wish for annihilation there, but the end will never come. The torment will be forever.

Hell is Eternal Dying

Charles Spurgeon once said that “It is the hell of hell that everything there lasts forever. Here, time wears away our griefs, and blunts the keen edge of sorrow; but there, time never mitigates the woe. Here, the sympathy of loving kindred, in the midst of sickness or suffering, can alleviate our pain; but there, the mutual upbraidings and reproaches of fellow- sinners give fresh stings to torment too dreadful to be endured.”

The Scripture concurs with this thought that the fires and torments of hell are unceasing.

Mark 9:47-48 “And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’’

A God who loves perfectly also must hate that which opposes His perfect love. A God of perfect kindness and grace must also be a God of perfect justice and judgement against all who do not obey His truth. Jesus shed his blood at the cross, and in so doing, killed death for all who believe in Him. But Hell is where death never dies, for those who go there did not believe in the Resurrection and the Life.

“and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:26

In Light of Hell we Preach Christ

Hell is mercy removed and grace withheld. It is unrelenting slavery to sin and the filth of the flesh. The drunkard will desire to be drunk, but with nothing even to temporarily satisfy. The thief will be constantly haunted with his evil desires to take what is not his. The covetous man will covet forever but gain nothing he desires. Hell is constant emptiness with no reprieve in sight. With this, let us look upon this world, not with apathy, but with compassion. We have the only news that sets souls free.

Do not be ignorant about what happens after death. All who believe upon the gospel with genuine faith will be saved. All who do not will perish forever in everlasting torment and unrelenting regret. Their punishment will be just. But we do all we can to join in Christ’s mission of reconciliation and redemption.

“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation;” (2 Corinthians 5:18)

The devil’s first heresy was this, “You will not surely die.” But we did die, all of us. Man is so deeply depraved that no one can pull himself from the despair. Only by God’s grace can man have life. Through the One who is eternal life can life be restored.

“And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” (John 17:3)

Joel Littlefield

Joel is a husband, father of three, pastor and worship leader. His desire for blogging and writing is from a heart for the Body of Christ to glorify God in everything, and through every season.

To read more of Joel's writings, visit Made to Make Disciples 

Joel is the author of

Grace In Crossville (Amazon)
and
Beeline to the Cross (Barnes & Noble)
(Tate Publishing & Enterprises LLC.)
& Amazon

Beeline to the Cross

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Did They Really Believe Him To Be More Than A Man?

Have you ever wondered what the disciples were doing when Jesus came into Jerusalem on the donkey? What they were thinking? Do you think they really understood?

Just a few days before Jesus entered the city, Peter had answered Jesus' question “Who do you say I am?" with “You are the Christ, the Son Of God” but none of them were thinking of the prophecies of Isaiah, even after Jesus explains it to them.

On the way to Jerusalem, James and John asked for the two seats on either side of his throne, but they are thinking of an earthly throne. We can assume that Judas might be thinking of the monies he would have to hand; about having permanent place in the court next to the king. However, what were the others thinking; Andrew, Simon the Zealot, Bartholomew; what of the women?

It appears from the texts, they believe they’re on the way to Jerusalem to see the Deliverer of the Hebrews take over the kingdom of Rome. They know he has the power. For three years he’s shown them incredible things. But do they really believe him more than a man?

I doubt anyone was surprised by this entrance. Jesus has a big crowd of followers and the news of his coming has probably been circulating for days. What everyone is waiting for is a powerful leader charging in to defeat Rome.

They're most likely thinking Isaiah's prophecy is being fulfilled right in front of them. "For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given. And the government shall be upon His shoulders and His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. but they stopped at the Government shall be upon His shoulders."

Jesus enters the city with great fanfare. No Jewish person has ever been welcomed into Jerusalem with such spontaneous celebration. During this cheering and praise there were Romans on the streets, watching and probably at arms ready, Red Alert. But the first thing Jesus does is go into the temple and chase out the religious cheats. Jesus stays at the temple the rest of the week. He doesn’t go anywhere near the Romans or the seat of power of Rome in Jerusalem. The soldiers probably relax.

But the Disciples are still waiting, all week, for him to attack Rome. Judas is getting disgusted but are the rest getting perplexed? Wondering?

What the people got was a quiet man with one thing on his mind, of which they failed to understand.

They just didn't get it.

The night of his betrayal, his disciples are so unaware, they go to sleep. They’ve completely forgotten that Jesus came there to die. He’d told them. But nothing has happened and they’re not paying attention. To them, at what we call the last supper, the cup and bread didn’t mean what it does to us. Christians know what it means.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him, will not die but have eternal life." John 3:16.

His broken body and spilled blood is our salvation. That whole week of Jesus in Jerusalem was the examination of the Lamb for Passover. The Priests examined Him and in the end could find no fault. They had to accept a lie to kill him.

We have to accept his death to be saved. The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23.

We look on the beautiful, perfect Lamb of God at the end of that week, broken and bloody for our salvation. Jesus rode into quietly Jerusalem on a donkey and at the end of the week died horribly on a cross to give us the kingdom.

What the Disciples thought was going to happen that particular Passover week, ultimately happens, at the end of times. And this ride into Jerusalem means just as much to us today in bringing in the kingdom.

Later, they fully understood Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, but just then, they were blind.

Jesus is fully God and fully Man.
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Motivation in Discouragement

Our faith in God doesn't change with our circumstances. My husband and I love Jesus and trust Him for all things. He is our Comfort and Guide, our Helper and the One who sustains us through all things.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for,

the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1.

We are without a personal vehicle.
We are in some financial difficulties. (My husband's age and health have changed our financial situation)
We are awaiting an official decision about a situation that needs clarification.

They are troubling singly and very troubling when coming all at the same time.

But that has nothing to do with our faith in God. God hasn't changed.

• God is still Omnipotent.
• God is still Omnipresent.
• God is still Omniscient.

We still need to pray with thanksgiving and supplication. Our intercessory prayers are not hindered.

We still need to read our Bibles. The truth and power of God's word is still the same.

We still need to evangelize. People held in the bondage of sin need to hear about the free salvation of our God.

These truths are to be grasped with zeal in our faith in God!

"I will lift up my eyes to the hills---from which comes my help?

My help comes from the LORD. who made heaven and earth"

Psalm 121:1,2.

God is doing something about our troubles, even though we know nothing about His future plan at the moment. The outcome is in His hands. Our faith is in Him.

If you are in a struggle, trust God is able to do all things.

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The Strange & Worshipful Story-Luke Chapter 2

David Ray Jr.

This was the Introduction I wrote for the 2015 Christmas Program at Grace Bible Church, Sangerville, Maine. This wasn't read, because our Pastor, David Ray Jr., prepared a better opening.

However, this says much about God's plan to save all mankind from their sin. And if it hadn't been for the strange birth of God becoming a Man, we never would have had the Cross to celebrate at what we call Easter.

They Missed Christmas

Introduction:

Before God ever created the world, He knew everything that would happen on earth. He knew that man would sin and destroy the perfect world God created. Man would reject Him and rebel and sin would rule.  Because of this flaw, God had to destroy the sin and that meant destroying the sinners. But God so loved His wonderful creation, He had a plan to save everyone from their sins. That plan was that He would come and be destroyed in the place of all the people God lovingly created for His pleasure.

Over 2000 years ago, God fulfilled part of that plan when He became a man, born of a virgin and living here among us for 33 and a half years. Then He died the death that sin deserves so he could allow us back into His perfection again.

On the day we call Christmas, we remember the day that God came to earth. God came to earth as a small, poor baby and that was just the beginning of the life God planned for Himself. The story is strange and beautiful, full of worship, and anger, and love and murder. Several people knew and embraced the miracle of the first Christmas, and yet at the same time, many rejected it and missed Christmas.

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God's Sufficiency

While walking this morning, I asked God what He wanted me to do now that I have found out what is causing the pain in my head (which I understand, at this point, will not get better).

I came in from my walk to listen to Cheryl Brodersen on WJCX and during her recorded talk, she emphasized writing down daily something experienced. It sounded so needful to my situation, I heard it as God's answer to part of my new life beginning today.

I used to journal regularly. So today, I began writing of what is happening with this new illness and what God is doing in my life through it.

The last time God had me write something down through a tough time in my life, it became an EBook. (See sidebar Link for Squished! Why God Seemingly Destroys Our Fruit) I'm not going to write this journal with that in mind. This is between God and me for now, but rereading my book, I can rejoice in reviewing what God does is so awesome. He does un-explainable things in situations we haven't the means to understand but our trust in Him is for His praise and glory. Trust fully on Him for all things.

I have osteoarthritis in my right side jaw. I do not endorse self-diagnoses but this article explains the trouble somewhat, nor do I especially endorse this website or its accuracy.

(Temporomandibular Disorders (TMD)

http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/guide/temporomandibular-disorders 

"Concerning this thing, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.

And He said, "My grace is sufficient for you; for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:8 & 9

At this time, I will not claim I believe this verse is my personal future, yet I believe it is true. Am I looking forward to how God will be glorified through me in this trial? Yes & No. This illness physically hurts and I'm a wimp in pain but I fully believe God will see me through it all.

So, what happens daily, I will try to keep writing about it if only to look at it and talk it over with God when in prayer and worship. And when I'm most needful.

Would You Forgive My Father?

Ormand Grant was a very smart man, a thinker, a planner, a gambler, and a schemer. My Father could have been a very great man.

He could draw 3-demesional designs to create detailed machinery and it's inner workings. My Father could rebuild automobiles from the chassis to the chrome. My Father could tear down an engine and put it back together better than it was before.

My Father read voraciously anything from Popular Mechanics to Pulp Fiction. My Father was a great story-teller. He spoke well. My Father could laugh and make jokes.

My Father had a fine singing voice. He was rhythmical and could more than adequately play simple percussion instruments when the occasion came up.

My Father could dance, even on roller skates.

My Father was married to Mother for 22 years. My Father raised five children, two boys and three girls.

My Father taught me how paddle a canoe, make a campfire, catch and cook fish, build a shelter, read a map, use a compass, read the stars, and find my way out of the woods without aide of  any of those things.

My Father worked hard when he had a job to do.

My Father rooted for the Red Sox every season.

I could admire such a man.

I could.

But I didn't.

My Father had a sexual perversion that destroyed our home.

My Father was a Pediphile.

In September 1967, we moved to St Albans Maine. I was 4 years old, and the next to the last child. It was a strange house with no electricity nor running water, no indoor plumbing. I don't recall being frightened of the house, but things were somehow darker with just kerosine lamps and lanterns. Vastly different from our house on Nancy Avenue in Beacon Falls Connecticut. (Mother and Father were native Mainers but Father had a job in Connecticut for a while)

I don't remember the first winter but I understand it was cold. It was the worst winter in years and one night Father almost died in a blizzard walking home from work at the Stryers Woolen Mill in Corinna .

We had a wood stove that first winter but my ingenious Father designed a gravity-fed oil burner furnace in the basement. Now with hot air heat, the wood stove was a goner. The next thing was to get the water pump into the kitchen and that happened the following year, I think.

It was Father's intention all along to improve on the house. In that first year he had designed a windmill and was even working on the blades in his 'shop' in the shed. I still remember the big sheets of metal. Without electricity, he was hand-drilling holes in the metal then sawing through it to cut the fan blades.

We had a huge garden. Father had us go fishing in the swamp near our house and bring home everything we caught. We placed a fish under every corn seed. The Yellow and Gold corn we had that year grew 14 foot stalks. We had potatoes, peas, green beans, carrots, and tons of food. Mother's Mother stayed with us for a time to help Mother learn to can it all.

I didn't know how much Mother and Father gave up to live in that house but later I learned Father went from a $50, 000 a year salary to minimum wage. His high paying job was moved overseas and the mill in Connecticut closed. Father always intended to get electricity to our house and open his own garage and auto body shop.

It was his intention to improve always.

Father didn't adjust well to being poor. He drank. Beer wasn't his downfall as much as the whiskey. He would get fighting mad on a whiskey drunk and my Father was a large man who knew a lot about fighting.

Father was raised a non-attending Catholic. Once in a while, he took us to the Pleasant Street Baptist church in Corinna. Things weren't very bad that first year.

Things somehow went all wrong. Father stopped going to church. His drinking worsened. Then life suddenly became strange. I don't know if he began with me, or my older sister first but when I was five years old, I became a sexual attraction with him. He would touch me and have me touch him. He said it was making babies and told me it was what a man and woman did when they loved each other. He told me it made him love me more and more.

If Father asked if I loved him the only answer was Yes.

 And I was never, ever, ever to tell anyone. "Promise, or Daddy would get hurt."

I didn't tell anyone. I began hating my Father.

At age seven I wanted to kill myself. --or him.

By that time I know my sisters were being abused. His drinking worsened and his anger rose with it. Mother had bruises and cried  sometimes. We were poor before, now we were poorer. Our lawn was littered with beer cans and liquor bottles. Father wouldn't come home paydays, with the money for Mother to shop.

I know a seven year old is capable of premeditated murder. I dreamed of ways to kill him and how i would explain it to the police. I hated him.

My oldest brother permanently moved out of the house at age 14. He'd been gone on and off from age 12 but he'd found a family to take him in. I never was close to him, barely knowing him.

My oldest sister ran away at age 17 and was gone for almost two years.

My other older brother lived at a state funded school for poor children.

That left me and my little sister. And Mother.

I became Father's little wife. He would buy me horsy things because I loved horses. He took me to where I could ride horses. He took me camping which I loved. He let me drive the car, so at age 12, I went for the fun of that. All for a price. He loved me, so he said.

In 1973, Father had surgery on his neck that made it impossible for him to turn his head without turning his upper body. He began getting Social Security Disability. He drank more, was less at home and even less a providing husband and father.

It was hard on us all. My older sister came home for a short time and ran off again. My older Brother seldom visited at all and my other brother was still mostly living at school.

I suppose my little sister got strange too but I got weird. I became frightened of everything and everybody. I was happiest out in the woods, far away from people. I dreamed of doing amazing things, of being invisible, or being a long-lost princess, of running away to get a job on a horse ranch, be a race car driver. I imagined having the FBI rescue me. I often planned ways to run off to live in the woods, designing how to build a shelter and then make trinkets and draw pictures to trade for food.

I studied ways to kill myself. In my imagination, I could do anything, even returning from the dead to spy on everyone and see if they actually missed me, which I didn't believe they would.

In January 1977, Father left for Florida. Just up and left us in the middle of winter. Mother with no income and three children to care for as my next older brother was home from school. We got very, very poor. I didn't know until later that people gave Mother all the help she needed for that first six months and she paid back every cent in the next twenty years. At that time, an abandoned mother couldn't file for State help for six months.

Father came back the next summer but Mother had the state help then and he didn't actually come back to live with us. He had a live-in woman down in Hallowell Maine but it began all over again. I was a weird, mixed up kid. Really odd and solitary. I was 13

Mother moved us to a house with electricity, running water and indoor plumbing. Father came around every so often and took me for rides. He took me camping and let me drive.

I began taking drugs, anything anyone handed me. All you had to do was explain how to take it and give it to me. I was already a drinker from age 7. Father taught me how to drink, and if you handed me anything alcoholic, I drank it.

Now that we were where I could get to stores alone, I started stealing. I could get my own things.

Suicide was always an option, either by choice or accidental, didn't matter. I thought about it.

I quit school at age 13. Mother always feared the school system would come after her not having me in school, but no one ever came. I guess they could see I was a lost cause and not worth the trouble. Mother got me psychiatry help. It didn't work.

I dated drug dealers. I traded sex for drugs. I stole things. I hated. I went with my Father because I could get things.

I can go on and on but I'll jump to age twenty-four. No, back up a bit. At age 18 I married. Imagine that! Mother was losing her state income on me and I needed someone to take care of me. In my mental state, there was no way I was capable of going out in the public and get a job. I latched onto a man to take care of my housing, food, and whatever. Only he didn't. Within a year he had gone back to his mother. It turned out he needed as much help as I sdid.

Mother moved us again. I actually got a job working at the dairy farm of the man she rented from. I worked for day wages, helping during milking and through the summer, haying.

Father came occasionally, but he and his woman traveled a lot. He lived in Florida during the winters and in Maine summers. But he came for me. I was still his little wife. I was still weird.

Then in 1989, Father's live-in woman in Florida, died. He called and asked me to come down there if he bought me a ticket. I went. I told myself I went to see my next oldest brother who had just gotten out of the Air Force. I missed him. We had been best friends and he was safe to be with.

Father took me to all the Florida Tourists attractions. I got to drive. I enjoyed Florida as a visit. I missed Maine. I missed Ivan, my boss, whom I now lived with. I didn't love Father.

My Brother invited me to church. I went. I heard a wonderful preacher talking about Jesus dying for me. I went back again and heard more about this Jesus who died for me.

Who would die for me?

When I finally figured out God died in my place, for my weirdness, my self-loathing, my awful, evils, I cried and went forward and ask Jesus to forgive me and save me. I became born-again.

Suddenly, I had this new life. Suddenly, I had this new feeling that Father could never touch this life and ruin it. I was feeling a love that was absolutely different.

Father didn't like me any more.

When I asked him to come to my baptism, he told me he wouldn't step into a church ever again. Back when I was 5 years old, when we were so poor, when he took us to church, someone told him he needed to wear a suit to church. His work clothes weren't dignified enough for the assembly.

Father sat in the car outside while I was baptized.

I came back to Maine and Father never touched me again.

*I won't go into all the things I went through in my first years of Christianity. I had way too much craziness to overcome and it wasn't easy. With a wonderful woman taking me under her wing and the care of a pastor who knew how to be kind and gentle in his counseling, I came to trust Jesus and His love.

Father died in 1988 of cancer. Learning he had cancer, he married his new live-in woman, hoping to keep Mother from getting his Social Security checks. He died four months later and upon receiving her first check from his SS, she said, "He's finally supporting me."

I didn't go to his funeral.

Now, for all of you who have read this thus far, would you forgive my Father?

I want to tell you something about Jesus. Jesus is God. God is perfect. Jesus is perfect. Nothing sinful can stand in His presence. His perfectness has to destroy sin and imperfection, He is that pure. It is as natural as your breathing. That is why it is imperative for people to be born-again into Jesus, to be saved from God's perfect wrath against sin.

God would forgive my Father if he had asked Him. God's love is that perfect. Jesus died for all my Father's imperfections, weirdness, evilness, and perversion. Jesus died for Ormand Grant's sins.

Jesus would forgive him and accept him into heaven when he died. My Father had every chance to be forgiven by God because God is that forgiving.

Would you forgive him?

My step-mother told me that Father asked for a priest before he died. Remember my Father was sort- of raised a catholic. My Father knew he was in need of forgiveness but the priest didn't get there before my Father hemorrhaged, bled, and died in Togus Veterans Hospital in Augusta, in June of 1988.


My Father could be in heaven waiting for me right now. My father could be dressed in the white robe of righteousness, clothed by the shed blood of Jesus 2000 years ago on the Roman cross for the sin of the world.

I know that a priest cannot forgive anyone's sins, only God. No man can give perfect forgiveness for any other man's sins. It doesn't matter that the priest didn't come. What does matter is if my Father knew he needed to be forgiven and that God would forgive, and if he asked God for forgiveness, my Father is in heaven right now, waiting for me.

And I will be so glad to see him.

It took me a long time to forgive my Father. I truly think that if he hadn't died in 1988, it would have taken me a lot longer to heal, but I am a child of God and my God is awesome. Now, I may still be weird, but I'm not that weird anymore.

I ask you again--would you forgive my Father?



* For more on my Personal testimony see PDF file My Testimony. See also chapter VI From Dregs to Pure, in my EBook Squished! Why God Seemingly Destroys Our Fruit. available at Amazon.com

Vaporous

 "and you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a time and then vanishes away" James 4:14. (NKJ)

Many women hate to tell their age. I have no such hang-ups about age. In a month I will be 51 years old. To me that is amazing. Especially since I didn't think I would live to reach 30. There were times, I didn't want to reach 20. My life was so miserable, I thought it was way to long to live through a day.

Sexually abused by my Father, bullied at school for being of one of the areas poorest families, ignored by teachers imagining I wasn't worth the time to teach me, lonely and isolated, life was so rotten, suicide was a poplar notion.

I grew more afraid of men and people in general that my isolation became actually terror of public places.

Was help ever going to come or was I destined to kill myself? 

I needed help---where was God?

I knew a God existed but I had no idea that I needed to approach Him through His Son in His perfection. I thought He should do something for me. I didn't know anything about sin verses righteousness. No one had ever explained to me that I was an enemy of God, and unforgiven because of Adam. I imagined God looked down and helped those like me who needed pity. If God were so loving and kind and good, God should help me because I needed help and no human was helping me.

I can't describe all of my life and the day to day thoughts and struggles and survival. I can't explain the hate, rages, fear, and panic. I can't explain the desperation for love that I would allow men to use me. I can't explain the drug and alcohol use that took me away from myself and made life light and fun for a time. Then comes the bitterness of the sickening aftertaste. That is too much to tell. *

But....

Isn't it great there is a but?

But, now that I have the answer, I am going to have my 51 birthday in June of 2014.

My answer is Jesus Christ. My life is Jesus Christ.

My 51 years seems a long time, yet God says I've only lived as a vapor. Poof, I'm born, lived and died. God sees all of that and He sees me with Him now as today. God sees me in my new body living the abundant, glorious life on His new earth He promises to all who believe in Him.

"Declaring the end from the beginning, and from ancient times things that are not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will do all My pleasure" Isaiah 46:10. (NKJ)

I'm a vaporous puff on this earth but for eternity, I am a forever child of God.

"Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them" Psalm 139: 16. (NKJ)

"How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great are the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with You" Psalm 139: 17, 18. (NKJ)


God gives abundant life!

*(If you want a few more details, click the My Testimony Button in the left panel of this blog.)

The Center Piece

Then two robbers were crucified with Him, one on the right 

and another on the left" Matthew 27: 38.

When hosting a special meal, I always like to put a centerpiece on my table. I enjoy setting my best dishes and formal silver, napkins and glasses in their proper place. It sets the mood and is pleasant to the eye. I believe my guests enjoy the extra touches as we gather to eat.

Jesus was the centerpiece of another setting. Placed precisely as the Father intended on a cross to die. This wasn't lovely, or pleasant, or inviting. But Jesus' death is central to the salvation of all believers. Without Jesus as the center of our faith, we have nothing to believe. 

Jesus is in the middle of the believer's life, faith, learning, knowledge, speech, action, love, witness, fellowship, relationships, work, leisure, health, and wealth, in who we are and where we live. Jesus is the center-piece. Our lives mean nothing without the ugliness of the cross, and the love of God, up front and visible to us.

Someday, we will see Jesus face to face and see the love that kept Him on the cross and our centerpiece will truly be the center of everything.

Let Jesus set in the extra special center of your life.

 

Themes in James

Chapter 1

• Vs 1. James' salutation to the letter's recipients 
• Vss 2-8. Utilizing prayers of faith to survive trials  
• Vss 9-11. Remember, everyone is equal in God’s sight 
• Vss 12-16 No one is perfect. Don’t get into trouble thinking you are 
• Vss 17, 18. God is what you have & all you have. Don’t boast otherwise  
• Vs 19. Watch your mouth  
• Vss 21-25. If you can’t stand to let God wash you, you’re blind to your habitual sins  
• Vss 26-27. Humble yourself. Be not proud—do service to God. Look for those in need and fill whatever their need is

Chapter 2 

• Vss 1-7. Be careful of pride;  the worlds’ social order practices discrimination. Don’t you dare do this in the church, at work, in your home, or anywhere  
• Vss 8-13. All your knowledge has little value as a witness; your conduct will explain your connection to Jesus  
• Vs 14-18. Do not take the Lord’s name in vain. If you name yourself a Christian, it’s going to show in what you do. If it doesn’t, you’re not. You manner, quality, and objective of work will prove you  
• Vss 19-20. Saying the name of Jesus doesn’t make you a Christian. Satan knows who God is and knows the difference between a genuine Christian and a quasi-Christian. Make sure you prove whom you are  
• Vss 21-26. Examples of people proving their faith

Chapter 3 

Green-Eyed envy

• Vss 1-8. Guard your tongue. If you think you can teach, be very careful of your words. God will hold you accountable for every word you speak on His behalf  (I’m accountable for this post)  
• Vss 9-12. Examples of how we can misuse the name of Jesus  
• Vss 13-18. If you’re knowledgeable about the truth, then teach it. It comes from God. Do not boast because you know something. It didn’t originate from you. Give it freely to everyone

Chapter 4 

• Vss 1-3. You idiots! Stop fighting for worthless stuff. Stop fighting for position  
• Vss 4-6. If you’re married to Christ, you’re an adulterer when you covet the worlds’ stuff. God is jealous when you cheat on Him  
• Vss 7-8 Satan has to leave you alone in the presence of your humble faith  
• Vss 11, 12. Idiot! You can’t correctly judge anyone. Stop it  
• Vss 13-16. Don’t leave God out of your plans. Make all your plans with flexibility.  
• Vs 17. Don’t place all your eggs in one basket. You could sin trying to sustain it

Chapter 5 

• Vss 1-6. Behave yourselves. Repent and help others. Give up your pride. Be honest!  
• Vss 7-9. Wait for Jesus, He’s right here  
•  Vss 10,11.  Examples of men who waited in faith, not knowing what was going on  
• Vs12. Be honest in all your promises  
•  Vss 13-16. The church body is there for Christians in all situations and stages of need. Stick together & help one another, especially praying for one another  
•  Vss 17, 18. Example of a Godly man’s prayers  
•  Vss 19-20. Helping a Brother or Sister in Christ with love will benefit everyone in the most beautiful and spiritual ways