Esther Chapter 1

This week, I began a ladies study through the book of Esther

The verse for the definition of this Bible study is: “Then those who feared the LORD spoke to one another, and the LORD listened and heard them; So a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who fear the LORD, and who meditate on His name. Malachi 3:16

Notes for Week 1, Chapter 1: Lesson 1

What’s the most amazing factor about the book of Esther? It’s what makes many question its inclusion in the Bible. Esther is the book that never mentions God by name, yet it is where God moves everything for His glory. God shows His mighty power and Sovereignty over all His creation. 

This is a great book that proves the action of faith without sight.

2 Corinthians 5:7. For we walk by faith, not by sight.

Corrie Ten Boom said it this way, “Trust the unknown future to a known God”

We don’t need to see God but we see Him in all that He does. 

In the Book of Acts 2:2, the upper room was filled with the sound of a rushing mighty wind. There was no wind, God supplied only the sound. At that time, the Holy Spirit chose that sound as His entrance, as proof of His appearance. They didn’t see God but they certainly knew He was in the room.

When God came to Mount Sinai, the children of Israel saw only great dark clouds, and lightning, and heard thunders. They didn’t see God but they knew He was present.

God isn’t mentioned in Esther but He certainly is in it. As we see the appearance of God throughout this book, it is because God moves the natural in ways that are unnatural to the world. Miracles are only special from our side of heaven, because nothing is miraculous with God. Miracles are work as usual for God. 

That makes the book of Esther one of the most powerful books of faith we can read. It is a great book of faith, for what is faith but in the belief that God will answer prayer and do all things good for His glory and the salvation of the world. We don’t see God but we pray anyway.

The more we read the Bible, the more we know the Power of God. The more we know the power of God, the more we trust Him. The more we trust Him, the less we fear the chaos of the world. The more we understand our Awesome God, the more set apart from the world we can live. A greater peace will exist in us.

 We read and meditate on the word of Almighty God and our faith is in the One and only God who has proven Himself over and over again. The gospels are great lessons of the realness of our Awesome God, His love for us and His power over everything He created. John 1:1-4

We don’t need to see God but God loves us and will keep us, no matter what happens around us.

The Bible Knowledge Commentary gives the purpose of writing this book of Esther was to encourage the returning Jewish exiles by reminding them of the faithfulness of God.

Esther is a great work of faith for us today, proving God, whom we can’t see, but it proves Him so beautifully.

Historically, there’s a lot of national things going on at this time. The Jews have been freed from their 70 years captivity for disobedience to God and many have returned to Jerusalem. Esther’s story occurs between Chapters 6 & 7 of the book of Ezra. (Ezra 6: 19-22)

The nation of Israel was back in business. They were now sacrificing with what David describes as a broken and contrite heart. All those years they had not obeyed God with all the Sabbath years had placed them in captivity for 70 years. Now, a remnant returned to worship with the correct heart for God and His Holiness.

In the gap between Ezra 6 & 7, King Ahasuerus comes to the throne of the now mixed rule of the Medes and the Persians. When the book of Esther opens he’s ruled for 7 years.

The kingdom of Media and Persia are not a very solid national structure. Their weakness is described in the Daniel prophecy of Nebuchadnezzar’s dream of the huge statue. King Aharuerus reigns during time represented by the silver torso. Also Daniel prophesizes of the bear devouring the three ribs. And again the Ram with two horns destroyed by the goat. All three symbols means the kingdom is weak in its divided alliance.

Esther 1:1-5

I’m not going into much about the history as I want to focus on God in this book. But some is necessary and it really brings God’s sovereignty to the forefront.

The Bible Knowledge Commentary says this about the king:

Much evidence supports the historicity of the facts in this book. Xerxes was a real king in Persia. His drinking parties were well known. Xerxes did have an irrational temper, occasionally exhibiting fits of rage. He did have a palace in Susa and a large harem there. Various features of the court can also be substantiated from other sources. (BKC pg 700/701)

As for the instability of king’s mind, when attempting the campaign to conquer Greece, the king ordered a stretch of water whipped and had shackles thrown into it because the violent current washed away his bridge.

The king was about to go into a huge battle to try to add Greece to his list of conquered nations. He throws a great party in the capital to prove he’s going to win. This way the lesser rulers of the semi-detached smaller states within his kingdom would support his fight. Daniel’s interpretations of the weakness of the cohesiveness of this kingdom are evident because Xerxes doesn’t appear able to give an executive order and have an army fight for him. Doesn’t say much for his authority.

Our God lives outside of the time He created, can see all the empires of the world before Him at all times. He sees and has seen King Xerxes defeated.

God is so awesome!!! We cannot but worship Him.

While the king is throwing a party for the men, Vashti, the Queen matches his extravagance for the women. We can assume she too is attempting to bolster the moral of the ladies who very well may become widows in the next few years of war. Widows have never had a good success in any nation, including those of nobility.

In his party, the king does a dumb thing. He commands his wife, the Queen, walk the palace runway in her finery and she refuses to parade before him and his drunken cohorts. He should never have made the command. Esther 1:10-18.

There is a sense that Vashti’s refusal to come at the King’s command was right, that is the respect for the men in the room. Respecting her husband’s throne, even if he wasn't showing respect for it.

But she was also wrong refusing to come at his command, for it was open disobedience, shaming her husband and her king.

The King was wrong and Vashti was wrong. In fact—the entire scenario was wrong. And although it was wrong, Vashti should have obeyed anyway. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

But there was something right in it as well. Anyone take a guess? (God’s sovereignty.) Proverbs 21:1

This drunken command brings more proof of Xerxes weakness to rule such a vast kingdom. It probably disgusted some of the men at the feast, because women were not to be included in counsels of war, if in fact that is Xerxes reason for the party.

Humiliated in front of the people he was attempting to impress, the king makes a law while he’s drunk. The worst case scenario just became a disaster of a catastrophic earthquake.

Esther 1: 19-21

Do you feel sad for Vashti? Well, don’t. she’s a pagan idol worshiper. She doesn’t know Jesus as her Savior. She doesn’t worship the One and Holy GOD. She is a drunken woman, who worshiped false gods. She’s the Queen of Persia. She’s a heathen who rules over a nation of slaves conquered in war. She has the right to order anyone whipped or imprisoned, or killed for any reason she wanted. This woman is in all probability just as cruel as her husband, the King is. 

The Bible gives us several women in power who misused their positions.

Jezebel was a queen and a murderess. (1 Kings 21)

Athaliah was a crazy murderous queen of Judah. (2 Kings 11)

 Potiphar’s wife had control over Joseph as a slave. (Genesis 39)

Vashti is described as very beautiful—but Proverbs says this, As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, So is a lovely woman who lacks discretion” Proverbs 11:22. Vashti’s outward beauty was destroyed not only by her husband’s drunkenness, but by her own drunkenness. (Ephesians 5:18.)

Recorded in Luke, is Jesus words to the woman at the well.

“But the hour is coming, and now is, when true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth” Luke 4:23,24.

We also have these words from Jesus that encourage our faith in Almighty God, These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” John 14:33. 

The nation of the Medes and Persians was under the ruling hand of a weak, pagan, temperamental king, the children of Israel were still subjects of this kingdom, but they had the One and Living God working on their behalf. Even though we Christians live in troubling times, we have the One and Living God working for us. Let us look up with gladness and joy and anticipation. Our redemption draws near. Hallelujah!

2 Corinthians 4:16-18.

We serve an Awesome God!

Lesson Points:

1.     Every book in the Bible has significance.

2.     We walk by faith, not by sight: 2 Corinthians 5:7 (1 Peter 1:8)

3.     God moves the natural in ways that are unnatural to the world.

4.     Esther is one of the most powerful books of faith

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The Finger of God

In John 8, the Pharisees and scribes, the strict keepers of the law, drag before Jesus, a woman caught in adultery. It was an all-around set-up in yet another attempt to discredit Him.

Woman Taken in Adultery by Pieter Bruegel The Elder

In their minds, Jesus can only take one of two actions;

A: agree to stone her for her crime, which the law given to Moses commands.

or

B: let her go, which would go against the law, making Jesus a lawbreaker.

Either way He chose would make Jesus less than perfect and take away His public fan-club. Either action would discredit Him and the Pharisees and scribes would be less convicted by His relationship with God.

"This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and... wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear. So when they continued asking, He raised Himself up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first. And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground" John 8:6,7,8.

As usual, Jesus doesn't fall into their trap. Jesus does C. And whatever He wrote on the ground was so convicting, that the accusing men leave silently, again stumped by Jesus' perfect action.

"When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, he said to her, "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?" She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said to her, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more." 8:10,11.

And although Jesus gently chastised her with his words, looking into Jesus' face maybe hurt her more than anything He could have done. I wonder if His written words also convicted her of her sin, as well as His reprimand.

There's been much said about what Jesus wrote on the ground. Since the words were not given, we can make only guesses and still be wrong.

This is only my opinion. I will not attempt to write for God.

I like to think Jesus wrote the Ten Commandments in the sand.

Wouldn't that be awesome!? Watching God write the Law! Wouldn't that be Absolutely Convicting!!

"And when He had made an end of speaking with him on Mount Sinai, He gave Moses two tablets of the Testimony, tablets of stone, written by the finger of God" Exodus 31:18.

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The Sovereignty of God Maintains the Holy Bible

While there may be some discrepancies between copies and versions of the Holy Bible today, we have no business claiming it has errors, or that any parts are not inspired by God. We do have very old copies in original Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek texts, but God is the only One who has true knowledge of the contents of the originals. That does not make our copies erroneous, or not part of inspired Scripture, for God's sovereignty maintains the accuracy of the Holy Bible.

Almighty GOD is not living within our time. Time was created for us.

He sees the end from the beginning (Isaiah 46:9-10). God is talking to Adam in the Garden of Eden, even as He is accepting our worship on the new earth. He is Eternal. Time does not exist in God's realm of eternal being. GOD is the I AM.

God is instructing Moses to write the 1st five books of the Bible. He is overseeing Jeremiah write his books. Matthew, Mark, Luke & John are writing the gospels per God's guiding inspiration even as you sit and read the Holy Bible at your table in this instant. Pick a writer of one of the 66 books of the Bible and God by His infinite wisdom is having it penned even as you think on it.

Hold your fingers together as tight as possible, until they hurt. The space between your fingers is still longer than your lifespan.

God indwells His people yesterday, today and forever. (John 14, Ephesians 1:13,14, Galatians 3). He indwells believers before us and He will indwell believers after us. (even if we are raptured today)
In every Bible study, or Biblical teaching/preaching, the eternal existing God is actually watching over the person writing the book we are reading at the same instance.

I am not talking multiple dimensions, I am talking about God's BEING. God IS the I AM.

WOW! WE SERVE AN AWSOME GOD!!!

The Bible that the world has today, no matter what version, or language is being preserved by God Himself, outside of time. This is the Holy Bible of the Christian, not the religious books of other world beliefs.

If any parts of the Bible could be in error, in any language or translation, then don't you think Almighty God is able to correct His word, which He is overseeing the writings of even now?

We don't have the originals, but God does.

If today's Bible study guides are exalted over the Holy Bible, that's saying to God the writers of the study guides know more about the Bible than He does.

Consider the danger of your own error attempting to correct God.

Considering that the Author of the Bible is Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent God, if you decide that you can identify parts of the Holy Bible that are in error, consider these two scenarios:

#1

For some spectacular reason, you can move through the dimensions of Time and Space.

Today, a Christian brother has just watched a group of ISIS militants rape and murder his wife. In the next hour he will be beheaded for his faith in Christ. But he is steadfastly remembering the verses he has memorized from his Bible as he faces this horrible death. (it doesn't matter what language or translation the Bible is written in, it's a Holy Bible, maintained by Sovereign God)

Suddenly, you pop into his presence and announce, "My Bible study guide says that certain parts of certain translations and versions of the Bible are wrong and are not inspired by God because we have discovered they are not in the 'Best Manuscripts". We have decided that they are in error and we no longer teach them as being the inspired words of God."

And you disappear as suddenly as you arrive, leaving this brother alone wondering if the verses he has memorized are the parts that are not Inspired by God.

#2

Still jumping through Time and Space, you travel back to a cold, dark cell in the German Concentration Camp Ravensbruek, where two young women are huddled together with a Bible open between them. One is reading scripture to her dying sister. (it doesn't matter what language or translation the Bible is written in, it's a Holy Bible, maintained by Sovereign God)

Suddenly, you pop into their cell, point to their Bible and say, "In the future, we learn that certain parts of certain translations and versions of the Bible are wrong and are not inspired by God because we have discovered they are not in the 'Best Manuscripts". So we have decided that they are in error and we no longer teach them as being the inspired words of God."

And just as suddenly, you disappear from their sight, leaving Corrie Ten Boom and her sister, Betsie, holding worthless scraps of paper.

What has your knowledge just done to these people who have no access to whatever Bible study guide you may have read. Where is your proof that your Bible study guide is true and their Bible's are wrong? Your so-called knowledge gained form your study guides is of no advantage.

Only God has the knowledge to maintain His word as without error and all Scripture is inspired by God. (2 Timothy 3:16)

"Knowing this first, that no prophecy of
Scripture is of any private interpretation,

for prophecy never came by the will of man,
but holy men of God spoke as they

were moved by the Holy Spirit"
2 Peter 1:20,21.

But of Bible Studies and study guides, the bookshelves are breaking from the strain. Be very careful of what you read outside of the Bible itself, for God has not breathed the words of Bible Study Guides, only the words of the Holy Bible. (John 17:17, 2 Timothy 3:16. 2 Peter 1:20, 21, Rev. 22:18,19, Is. 55:10,11, Eccl. 12:11.12,13,14.)

If something you read has an argument pointing to an error, stop and hold up any version of the Bible and say to the One who sits on the throne in Heaven, "Holy Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient GOD, because of this or that I've read about Your word, I know for certain that this text of this Bible is in error and is not inspired by You. You, Almighty God must have made a mistake putting this into this version of Your Bible, because this man, or this woman said so. So, now You, God are corrected by my knowledge."

Aren't you putting a lot of confidence in the idea the authors of study guides know more than God knows about His word?

Then you are telling God He is not Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent God.

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Jesus- God Our Servant

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,

and to give His life a ransom for many" Mark 10:45.

Some of the things Jesus did:

He listened. He taught.
He wept with and for people.
He fed people. He led people. He walked with people. He ate with people.
He attended parties.
He helped people. He healed.
He read. He told the truth to everyone.
He played with children. He prayed for people. He counseled.
He gave people what really they wanted. He told people how to do things.
He gave examples. He gave Himself as an example.
He told stories. He cooked meals. He was willing to go anywhere.
He observed God’s laws and man’s laws, (when they didn’t contradict.) He was obedient to God the Father.
He loved people, even His enemies.
He sang songs.
He traveled with little expense. He was honest and just in all His dealings.
He forgave.
He touched the untouchable. He approached the unapproachable.
He was kind.
He helped Fathers and Mothers. He spoke with both men and with women.
He accepted poor, rich, soldiers, businessmen and women, housewives, teachers, bankers, laborers, lawyers, government officials, religious and non-religious, sinners and self-righteous.

 And some things Jesus didn't do:

He never demanded service.
He never hurt people, not even His enemies.
He never manipulated anyone.
He never coerced anyone.
He never forced anyone to do or not do anything.
He didn’t gossip.
He didn’t hate anyone for deserting Him.
He never took revenge for an insult.
He never played tricks.
He never insulted anyone.

Christians have something in Jesus that the world religions cannot comprehend. Even as they search for what we have, they deny that we have found it in Jesus. Man-made religions and man-created gods make their followers obey rules as means of perfection.

The God who gave His life for the sins of the world not only asks us to obey, He provides the power to obey.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself

unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in Me.

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him,

bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” John 15:4 & 5.

• As a Man, Jesus was the best friend we could ever have.
• As Lord, Jesus deserves our obedience. 
• As our teacher, Jesus showed us how we ought to act and work.

As God, Jesus could have shown all His power and brought Himself the glory that is due Him. Instead of God crushing the rebellion of mankind in Adam, Jesus, the Savior, made this statement,

“If you love Me, keep My commandments" John 14:15

 Jesus gave us the examples; let us follow Him. 

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The Glory of God

"Only fools say in their hearts, "There is no God" Psalm 19:1. NLT

There is no comparison to God. 

God is One. 

God is The God. 

There is no other thing, being, or imagined object that we can place next to Him that will make Him less than He is. It is a foolish concept that mankind can 'make' a god. It was God who created us from nothing. Our puny attempts to use our 'wisdom' to imagine what a god should be like, what a god should do for us, what a god should act like toward all of us in one lump, is unimaginable to the utmost absurdity. 

God's glory is who He is. God's glory is in our knowledge of Him, as little as that is. That we should even have any knowledge of Him is awesome in itself. 

Science has studied the human organs, but science still has to step back and look on with curiosity about the special aspects of the human body. In the same way, we don't know why one-celled organism do what they do in the world. We can send tiny machines into far space but that gets us no closer to knowledge about life itself. It only brings more questions. It brings only a hungry desire to look somewhere else.

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter. But the glory of kings to search out a matter" Proverbs 25:2.

Reverence is all we can feel for God. An awed fear that GOD is there at all. That He condescends to speak with us, to walk with us, to help us, to do anything at all. Yet He does it all and more than we can think of Him doing. God's glory is untouchable by man's effort.

"For the LORD gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding" Proverbs 2:6

God's Glory Is Him

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Would You Forgive My Father?

Ormand Grant was a very smart man, a thinker, a planner, a gambler, and a schemer. My Father could have been a very great man.

He could draw 3-demesional designs to create detailed machinery and it's inner workings. My Father could rebuild automobiles from the chassis to the chrome. My Father could tear down an engine and put it back together better than it was before.

My Father read voraciously anything from Popular Mechanics to Pulp Fiction. My Father was a great story-teller. He spoke well. My Father could laugh and make jokes.

My Father had a fine singing voice. He was rhythmical and could more than adequately play simple percussion instruments when the occasion came up.

My Father could dance, even on roller skates.

My Father was married to Mother for 22 years. My Father raised five children, two boys and three girls.

My Father taught me how paddle a canoe, make a campfire, catch and cook fish, build a shelter, read a map, use a compass, read the stars, and find my way out of the woods without aide of  any of those things.

My Father worked hard when he had a job to do.

My Father rooted for the Red Sox every season.

I could admire such a man.

I could.

But I didn't.

My Father had a sexual perversion that destroyed our home.

My Father was a Pediphile.

In September 1967, we moved to St Albans Maine. I was 4 years old, and the next to the last child. It was a strange house with no electricity nor running water, no indoor plumbing. I don't recall being frightened of the house, but things were somehow darker with just kerosine lamps and lanterns. Vastly different from our house on Nancy Avenue in Beacon Falls Connecticut. (Mother and Father were native Mainers but Father had a job in Connecticut for a while)

I don't remember the first winter but I understand it was cold. It was the worst winter in years and one night Father almost died in a blizzard walking home from work at the Stryers Woolen Mill in Corinna .

We had a wood stove that first winter but my ingenious Father designed a gravity-fed oil burner furnace in the basement. Now with hot air heat, the wood stove was a goner. The next thing was to get the water pump into the kitchen and that happened the following year, I think.

It was Father's intention all along to improve on the house. In that first year he had designed a windmill and was even working on the blades in his 'shop' in the shed. I still remember the big sheets of metal. Without electricity, he was hand-drilling holes in the metal then sawing through it to cut the fan blades.

We had a huge garden. Father had us go fishing in the swamp near our house and bring home everything we caught. We placed a fish under every corn seed. The Yellow and Gold corn we had that year grew 14 foot stalks. We had potatoes, peas, green beans, carrots, and tons of food. Mother's Mother stayed with us for a time to help Mother learn to can it all.

I didn't know how much Mother and Father gave up to live in that house but later I learned Father went from a $50, 000 a year salary to minimum wage. His high paying job was moved overseas and the mill in Connecticut closed. Father always intended to get electricity to our house and open his own garage and auto body shop.

It was his intention to improve always.

Father didn't adjust well to being poor. He drank. Beer wasn't his downfall as much as the whiskey. He would get fighting mad on a whiskey drunk and my Father was a large man who knew a lot about fighting.

Father was raised a non-attending Catholic. Once in a while, he took us to the Pleasant Street Baptist church in Corinna. Things weren't very bad that first year.

Things somehow went all wrong. Father stopped going to church. His drinking worsened. Then life suddenly became strange. I don't know if he began with me, or my older sister first but when I was five years old, I became a sexual attraction with him. He would touch me and have me touch him. He said it was making babies and told me it was what a man and woman did when they loved each other. He told me it made him love me more and more.

If Father asked if I loved him the only answer was Yes.

 And I was never, ever, ever to tell anyone. "Promise, or Daddy would get hurt."

I didn't tell anyone. I began hating my Father.

At age seven I wanted to kill myself. --or him.

By that time I know my sisters were being abused. His drinking worsened and his anger rose with it. Mother had bruises and cried  sometimes. We were poor before, now we were poorer. Our lawn was littered with beer cans and liquor bottles. Father wouldn't come home paydays, with the money for Mother to shop.

I know a seven year old is capable of premeditated murder. I dreamed of ways to kill him and how i would explain it to the police. I hated him.

My oldest brother permanently moved out of the house at age 14. He'd been gone on and off from age 12 but he'd found a family to take him in. I never was close to him, barely knowing him.

My oldest sister ran away at age 17 and was gone for almost two years.

My other older brother lived at a state funded school for poor children.

That left me and my little sister. And Mother.

I became Father's little wife. He would buy me horsy things because I loved horses. He took me to where I could ride horses. He took me camping which I loved. He let me drive the car, so at age 12, I went for the fun of that. All for a price. He loved me, so he said.

In 1973, Father had surgery on his neck that made it impossible for him to turn his head without turning his upper body. He began getting Social Security Disability. He drank more, was less at home and even less a providing husband and father.

It was hard on us all. My older sister came home for a short time and ran off again. My older Brother seldom visited at all and my other brother was still mostly living at school.

I suppose my little sister got strange too but I got weird. I became frightened of everything and everybody. I was happiest out in the woods, far away from people. I dreamed of doing amazing things, of being invisible, or being a long-lost princess, of running away to get a job on a horse ranch, be a race car driver. I imagined having the FBI rescue me. I often planned ways to run off to live in the woods, designing how to build a shelter and then make trinkets and draw pictures to trade for food.

I studied ways to kill myself. In my imagination, I could do anything, even returning from the dead to spy on everyone and see if they actually missed me, which I didn't believe they would.

In January 1977, Father left for Florida. Just up and left us in the middle of winter. Mother with no income and three children to care for as my next older brother was home from school. We got very, very poor. I didn't know until later that people gave Mother all the help she needed for that first six months and she paid back every cent in the next twenty years. At that time, an abandoned mother couldn't file for State help for six months.

Father came back the next summer but Mother had the state help then and he didn't actually come back to live with us. He had a live-in woman down in Hallowell Maine but it began all over again. I was a weird, mixed up kid. Really odd and solitary. I was 13

Mother moved us to a house with electricity, running water and indoor plumbing. Father came around every so often and took me for rides. He took me camping and let me drive.

I began taking drugs, anything anyone handed me. All you had to do was explain how to take it and give it to me. I was already a drinker from age 7. Father taught me how to drink, and if you handed me anything alcoholic, I drank it.

Now that we were where I could get to stores alone, I started stealing. I could get my own things.

Suicide was always an option, either by choice or accidental, didn't matter. I thought about it.

I quit school at age 13. Mother always feared the school system would come after her not having me in school, but no one ever came. I guess they could see I was a lost cause and not worth the trouble. Mother got me psychiatry help. It didn't work.

I dated drug dealers. I traded sex for drugs. I stole things. I hated. I went with my Father because I could get things.

I can go on and on but I'll jump to age twenty-four. No, back up a bit. At age 18 I married. Imagine that! Mother was losing her state income on me and I needed someone to take care of me. In my mental state, there was no way I was capable of going out in the public and get a job. I latched onto a man to take care of my housing, food, and whatever. Only he didn't. Within a year he had gone back to his mother. It turned out he needed as much help as I sdid.

Mother moved us again. I actually got a job working at the dairy farm of the man she rented from. I worked for day wages, helping during milking and through the summer, haying.

Father came occasionally, but he and his woman traveled a lot. He lived in Florida during the winters and in Maine summers. But he came for me. I was still his little wife. I was still weird.

Then in 1989, Father's live-in woman in Florida, died. He called and asked me to come down there if he bought me a ticket. I went. I told myself I went to see my next oldest brother who had just gotten out of the Air Force. I missed him. We had been best friends and he was safe to be with.

Father took me to all the Florida Tourists attractions. I got to drive. I enjoyed Florida as a visit. I missed Maine. I missed Ivan, my boss, whom I now lived with. I didn't love Father.

My Brother invited me to church. I went. I heard a wonderful preacher talking about Jesus dying for me. I went back again and heard more about this Jesus who died for me.

Who would die for me?

When I finally figured out God died in my place, for my weirdness, my self-loathing, my awful, evils, I cried and went forward and ask Jesus to forgive me and save me. I became born-again.

Suddenly, I had this new life. Suddenly, I had this new feeling that Father could never touch this life and ruin it. I was feeling a love that was absolutely different.

Father didn't like me any more.

When I asked him to come to my baptism, he told me he wouldn't step into a church ever again. Back when I was 5 years old, when we were so poor, when he took us to church, someone told him he needed to wear a suit to church. His work clothes weren't dignified enough for the assembly.

Father sat in the car outside while I was baptized.

I came back to Maine and Father never touched me again.

*I won't go into all the things I went through in my first years of Christianity. I had way too much craziness to overcome and it wasn't easy. With a wonderful woman taking me under her wing and the care of a pastor who knew how to be kind and gentle in his counseling, I came to trust Jesus and His love.

Father died in 1988 of cancer. Learning he had cancer, he married his new live-in woman, hoping to keep Mother from getting his Social Security checks. He died four months later and upon receiving her first check from his SS, she said, "He's finally supporting me."

I didn't go to his funeral.

Now, for all of you who have read this thus far, would you forgive my Father?

I want to tell you something about Jesus. Jesus is God. God is perfect. Jesus is perfect. Nothing sinful can stand in His presence. His perfectness has to destroy sin and imperfection, He is that pure. It is as natural as your breathing. That is why it is imperative for people to be born-again into Jesus, to be saved from God's perfect wrath against sin.

God would forgive my Father if he had asked Him. God's love is that perfect. Jesus died for all my Father's imperfections, weirdness, evilness, and perversion. Jesus died for Ormand Grant's sins.

Jesus would forgive him and accept him into heaven when he died. My Father had every chance to be forgiven by God because God is that forgiving.

Would you forgive him?

My step-mother told me that Father asked for a priest before he died. Remember my Father was sort- of raised a catholic. My Father knew he was in need of forgiveness but the priest didn't get there before my Father hemorrhaged, bled, and died in Togus Veterans Hospital in Augusta, in June of 1988.


My Father could be in heaven waiting for me right now. My father could be dressed in the white robe of righteousness, clothed by the shed blood of Jesus 2000 years ago on the Roman cross for the sin of the world.

I know that a priest cannot forgive anyone's sins, only God. No man can give perfect forgiveness for any other man's sins. It doesn't matter that the priest didn't come. What does matter is if my Father knew he needed to be forgiven and that God would forgive, and if he asked God for forgiveness, my Father is in heaven right now, waiting for me.

And I will be so glad to see him.

It took me a long time to forgive my Father. I truly think that if he hadn't died in 1988, it would have taken me a lot longer to heal, but I am a child of God and my God is awesome. Now, I may still be weird, but I'm not that weird anymore.

I ask you again--would you forgive my Father?



* For more on my Personal testimony see PDF file My Testimony. See also chapter VI From Dregs to Pure, in my EBook Squished! Why God Seemingly Destroys Our Fruit. available at Amazon.com

Free Books 4 U

Does your child like to read, yet won't pick up a book?

Would you like your child to read but can't get them interested in a book?

Will your child spend hours reading a computer screen?

Give them EBooks.

Amazon has many Free Christian EBooks and  Free Christain Childrens EBooks for you and your child. Just download them to your Kindle or App device and get busy reading!

You can also get free reading materials from Barnes & Noble. There are many Free Christian downloads or inexpensive priced books available. Enjoy reading with your child.

If you and your spouse or a good friend want to have a reading contest, each get the same books and see who can read the most titles. Or how about gathering a group of friends or church family and having a EReader Discussion Group. Have a day to get together in person or a group chat to have a discussion about the material you read.

Here are a few other websites where you can download free EBooks.
20 Best Websites to Download Free EBooks

 Maybe you're on the go, and want to read but can't seem to find the time to actually sit down with a good book?

If you're up on the Tech-age, and you have any computer device that you carry with you at all times, you have no excuse at all!

Get into a good book and enjoy yourself. 

 Even your phone can be a great companion as you read your favorite EBooks while you wait for appointments, flights, or just waiting for a friend.