A touching letter from a wife who loves her husband through her love of God
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Dale's trip to Iraq and lessons the Lord taught me about letting him go.
A few months ago, Dale was working unexpectedly on a Saturday and I was home reading the news and having my heart broken for the people of Iraq and the atrocities that were going on there. I spent the afternoon looking up charities and praying and asking the LORD how we could help, what we could do or give. At that point, I felt the answer was to pray for the refugees, for the country, for the attackers. So when Dale came home from a Men’s conference weeks later and told me there was a work trip to Iraq to finish up construction on a refugee center I was so excited about the prospect of getting to help those we had been praying for. We don’t have much money we can send, but we do have a willingness to send and be sent.
We spent some time praying about if he should go, we asked the LORD to work out the details if He wanted Dale to go. We asked that he would be able to get 2 weeks off work, they approved it. We asked for the money he would need both for the trip and for us here at home. It came. And the scripture that we were reading in our daily readings kept saying “Do not be afraid”.
During that prayer time I got real with God, “Lord, what if Dale dies there? My kids need a father.” (As if the Lord doesn't know what my kids need even more than I do.) I felt like He told me that what my kids need the most is to see that the HE is worthy to be worshiped, served, and followed, no matter the cost. My kids need to know that their Papa is willing to obey wherever the Lord calls him to go. They need to know that the LORD is our safety, not our location. They need to know that HE is our Provider, our Comforter, our Refuge, our Protector, our Shield, our Buckler, our Savior, our Father, and our Friend.
“By this is My Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Abide in My love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends. You are My friends, if you do what I command you" John 15:8-14.
Years ago, as a newly married woman trying to get used to being married and the new role I had as a wife, I read the story of Jonathan and his armor bearer from 1 Samuel 14. In this story the Israelite army is encamped against the Philistines and Jonathan asks his armor bearer to go with him and see what the Lord might do. He speaks out in faith saying, “Come, let’s go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised. It may be that the LORD will work for us, for nothing can hinder the LORD from saving by many or by few.” And his armor bearer says, “Do all that is in your heart. Do as you wish. Behold, I am with you heart and soul."
They asked for the Lord’s guidance and went forward believing that He would deliver the Philistines into their hands and rescue them; and He did, amazingly.
I love Jonathan’s boldness in even the thought of going out, just the two of them, in anticipation of the LORD working on their behalf, conquering armies for them. So years ago, as a new bride reading this story, I felt the LORD speak to me and tell me one of my roles as my husband’s wife was to be like this armor bearer; so that in the future when my honey would come and say:
- “Let’s go see what the Lord may want to do."
- "Let’s move across the ocean while you’re pregnant."
- "Let’s move back across the ocean while you’re pregnant again."
- "I want to go to Uganda to help kids while you’re pregnant."
- "I want to go to the Philippines."
- "Mission trips to Ukraine and Austria?"
- "Let’s move south."
- "Let’s go see what the Lord wants to do…”
I wanted my response to be, “Do all that is in your heart…I am with you heart and soul…let’s go see what the LORD will do.” Sometimes I failed, sometimes I didn't.
Years passed, babies were born 15 months apart and I may have been pregnant again, and I grew forgetful. I was weary. I was home a lot nursing and changing diapers. Life was planned around nap times. When we went to church the kids would get sick and we would be out of commission for a few weeks and the cycle continued over and over.
Dale was working a full time job and then would go to all the services at church and I got jealous. And felt unfruitful. Sometimes as Dale was getting ready to go to an evening service I would try to make him feel guilty for leaving me home alone with these sick kids again. It was ugly. I was angry when he left one night, and the Lord convicted me deeply.
I repented. I told Him I wanted to worship Him with my life; I wanted to give Him
something. I wanted to give Him my best but didn't even feel like I had a best in my weariness and busyness of motherhood. He asked me to give Him my husband and reminded me of my role as Dale’s armor bearer. Would I give Him my husband? Would I tell Dale, “Do all that is in your heart, I am with you heart and soul”, even if it meant time spent apart?
Yes, I would.
I did then and continue to do so now.
That heart change has given me such joy. I can stay home and do all this mothering in
worship to my Lord. I can let my husband know that I am with him and support him, and pray for him as he goes and worships the Lord with his life. As we each are ministering to the LORD, giving drinks of water in His name, we are unified and it is lovely.
I love that the Lord chooses to use foolish, weak vessels, in doing so His glory shines all the brighter. I am so glad He shows me my sin and softens my heart. Yielding to Him is such a fight for me but is so wonderful when I do it. He has allowed us to take part in His work here on earth. There have been so many times I have allowed fear to hold me back from surrendering to the Lord, but there is such freedom to be found in constant surrender. The LORD is so worthy to be trusted.
"Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name. May Your kingdom come and Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil; Matthew 6: for Yours are the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever" Matthew 6: 9-13.
"Amen"
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Lani and Dale have been married 14 years. They live in southern Maine where they Homeschool their four children. They moved to Alfred five years ago and began Grace Fellowship where Dale is currently pastoring.
Visit Grace Fellowship website @ http://www.gracefellowshipme.com/
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